GayHEY!!

HI

2009-11-24T11:41:00.000-08:00

ok, Im over the wedding stress drama.. found a place, and booked it... AND

Matt and I are getting a puppy!!!!! YAY!! Check my f/b for pictures!

AND

today is our 1 YEAR!!!!! WOOT

Fuck it

2009-11-18T18:10:00.000-08:00

Im not dealing with this shit anymore, Fuck having a wedding... being expected to do things myself is not the way its supposed to be! Its too much stress and money!

I suck

2009-11-13T14:15:00.000-08:00

I wanted to try and keep posting for this month.. but I obviously fail:(

8 months 18 Days!

2009-11-06T13:39:00.000-08:00

So we are working on our invites, and its a pain in the ass... there are family members that I dont want to come, and those that want them to come.. We have decided that we want to have someone we know officiate our wedding, but the stupid Albertan govnt will only let people they have chosen do it, so now we are actually getting married the day before our wedding so we can get hitched by the person we want!

FUN TIMES!!!!!!!

Week 2 of our diet and still going strong! M is doing WAY better than me and I hate it!

8 months 19days!

2009-11-05T17:26:00.000-08:00

Today was a hella busy day! I woke up early, went to Ikea for $1 breakfast! then went to City Center, picked up a Large Vase (yes to put a fish in, I prefer it to flowers) and a pair or $70 underwear!

What a day!

8 MONTHS AND 20 DAYS!

2009-11-04T11:24:00.000-08:00

So I posted the countdown on my facebook, and everyone is now commenting that I am preggers! First off.. M and I have been trying for assbabies for over a year now with no luck.. I think my ovaries might be shot! So its very rude of people to say such a thing.. a man can become quite sensitive to that! Second... everyone knows we want to adopt an asian girl and name her suelingo... YES its after the chick on Global! But spelled differently, it has a nice ring to it! (I saw the sex in the city movie and lilly won me over!)

If you have yet to see it BTW check out the TV show Modern Family M and I are convinced that they follow us and the two gay characters in the show are actually us :(

One a Day!

2009-11-03T11:25:00.000-08:00

I am following Lojo's note and going to try for this blog month thing! I dont know if I can think of something everyday!

Lets see..

M and I have started a diet! WOOT! he is dropping pounds like crazy.. Im just having more frequent B/M's (Lojo you know what Im talking about! Its not Bjorn Megatron!)

Its a soup diet! One day is all fruit, next all veggies, and then it comes to 2 days that all you eat is soup and steak! The KEG is going to LOVE us! lord knows Im not cooking it!

BTW: 8 months and 21 days till the BIG DAY!!!

The Joint!

2009-08-26T12:44:00.000-07:00

So we just took the big plunge and got a joint account! Recently my bank decided to be homophobes so I closed my account and told them to shove it up their ass! I feel like I am domesticating more and more each day! The Big day is only 10 months away! GOOD LORD LET THE GROOMZILLA FREE!!!!!!!!

I think its a little much that everything is planned now.. we just need to start with the purchases!

PS: I am now taking gay mens yoga, and bought a bowflex... Im going to be soooo f'ing hot for this thing!

Work... Work... Work

2009-05-11T21:32:00.001-07:00

So right now I am working 2.5 jobs.. and they are all good.. Recently my .5 job has made me think I should of taken more notes in English, actually done my papers and maybe learn how to spell!!

Check out my article.. Trans Healthcare Nightmare! 19 cents too steep to save lives?
(www.gaycalgary.com)

I think I did a good job! I mean come on look at my blog.. you can tell Im not exactly the best with words!

Maybe I can start a hilarious advice column, I know EVERYONE wants my opinion!!!!

Sorry Ive Been Away

2009-03-27T22:56:00.000-07:00

Hey Guys,

Sorry I havent posted in a while I have been wayy to busy!! No not with Wedding plans, but with life its self!

Lets see, from your comments you want a date.. it has been set July 24th, 2010..

I wanted a really long engagement, you know how things work! But since we have been living together now for 4 months with little to no issues I think its a firm date!

Let me tell you a bit about the big day,

So far its going to be outside, in a treed area, I want it to be dusk and the trees to be filled with little white lites, its going to be on nice grass, and the Isle is going to be made up of white flower petals, all the chairs are going to have a beautiful antique white cover with a green ribbon and there will be candle Abra's everywhere! Matt and I will be wearing white suits with Green ties, I want a little tree under a gazebo sitting where we will say our vows, and then we can plant it somewhere! (ideally our house)

Now this all sounds amazing and we have been able to agree easily on all these things.. other than one!

I dont want my wedding to be something like every other.. I want there to be a WOW factor! So to do so I came up with the idea of giving everyone in attendance a little jar of lightning bugs! Think about it.. after the I do's you let these little sparkling bugs out to fly through the dark sky!

I think it would be AMAZING!! Matt thinks it would be annoying and people wouldnt like the bugs...

WE WILL SEE WHO WINS!!!

SWOON

2009-02-17T16:23:00.000-08:00

"Good night Babe, I love you soo much!"

"I love you too!, more than anything.. Im never letting you go"

5 min later

*huge hug and kiss*

"will you marry me?"

*nods*

"of course I will"

...

Youtube of wonders...

2009-02-12T14:33:00.000-08:00

When you can't sleep you spend way too much time on Youtube...

This made me pee a little... Maybe its the lack of sleep!

Evolution

2009-02-12T05:46:00.000-08:00

Ok, I found this and must share it with everyone..

Trust me to be Youtubing hot twins.. and yeah we all remember the hottest ones of the 90's B44

We all remember the horrible yet catchy song...

Well, they have gone from Nasty Bleached tips to Hot dad haircuts... and Bad pop to AMAZING classical!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCjpDqceQYA

Im in Love!!

The Natural Way of Life

2009-02-10T01:01:00.000-08:00

The past little while I have been soo stressed out that I was beginning to scare myself... Example of this was a couple weeks ago at work a couple of my volunteers decided they wanted to get married and use our space.. GREAT, I was sooo excited, and was getting everything ready.. until everyone started to complain and I started to snap.. The night this was held we were also having our community potluck! Great!! lots of people are going to be there for this happy occasion!! Well as the Bride(man) and the Groom (woman) arrived a couple of the seniors attending the potluck decided it was time to go outside for a smoke.. 10-15 min later I see MUDDY FOOT PRINTS GOING ALL THE WAY THROUGH THE CENTRE!!! I followed the tracks, and where they stopped (by the food) I proceeded to yell "IF I FIND OUT WHO IS WEARING THEIR FUCKING SHOES I AM GOING TO BREAK THEIR FUCKING LEGS!!!" I turn to the side and there is this little old lady with the muddy shoes... (side not found out the other day its my boss's mom HAHA!) I went storming back out front and enjoyed seeing the walk down the centre (with lack of mud cause you know I made that bitch mop it up)

Anywho.. little things like this have been setting me off on a rampage! I like LoJo feel my hormones are starting to tell me something is up.. so I went to seek some help!!

There is this local woman that sells herbs, roots, leaves, anything you can think of.. that is supposed to help with any problem you may have! So I made my appointment and went to see this modern day witch doctor.. after an hour and a half of talking (which was hell cause it was all about me BLA!!!) We had determined I needed to loose some weight and probably stop being such a crazy bitch (even though I fuck so good Im on top of it *if you dont know the song I hate you*) She runs upstairs to her herb room and comes down with a crate of goodies... next thing you know I have the worst smelling bag of what looks and smells like the twigs you have to cut out of a pets ass that have melded with its shit.. and a green bag which looks like weed,
and some bark.. I pay the lady my $100 and I am on my way!

Well she did warn me that this stuff would probably make me worse before it did get better, so when I got home I warned Matt (yeah, we live together now YAY!) that I may be a little crazy and emo for the next few days.. I feel sorry for him.. I have been up and down and taking it out on him more than anyone else!

That night I brewed up some root and downed it like a kid downs nasty ass medicine, and was out like a light! The next morning I wake up to the alarm at 5:00am (He works hella early) and as Matt gets up to shower roll over and attempt to go back to sleep.. Matt comes back into the room after his shower and crawls back into bed snuggles up for the 10 extra mins he has before he misses his bus.. kisses me on the back of the neck and says "I love you"
In my groggy state, I lift my face out of his pillow that I stole as soon as he left the bed and said I love you back.. He pauses for a second and says no you dont.. Thats just your tea talking..

I thought to myself WTF.. I rolled over and said "what?"
He says "you only hate me because the tea is making you crazy!"

Apparently I didnt say love.. I said Hate..

Im going to stick with my answer that he just heard me wrong but you never know.. I was seeing things the other day at work.. THIS SHIT IS GREAT!!!!!

Post Your Love

2009-01-21T14:36:00.001-08:00

So I couldn't sleep again last night, so I decided to go online.. I went to my list of friends and my Minister from my old church in Olds was online! We started talking about what was going on in our lives, and the people we were seeing.. and I shared my concerns with her (basically everything in my last post) and she started asking me questions..... After that I had a list of why Im with the person I am.. it was kinda amazing! I think I had a good 50 reasons Im happy and feel the way I do... So my great mind went to work and I ran to my office, grabbed some sticky notes and started writing down all the reasons I love Matt..

I then took all the notes and posted them all over the places I knew he would be in the morning.. His phone, the shower, the mirror, the toilet, the fridge, the Peanut butter and jam (he uses to make his lunch sandwich) and then right outside the bedroom door.....

This morning when he woke up I heard all the notes being taken down.. I went back to sleep and woke up to the biggest hug I think I have ever received!

This was the Text messages we had this morning after he left:

ME- I couldn't sleep again last night and I was talking to my old minister from back home and we were talking about you and all those things came up...

Matt- Aww well Im glad she helped baby. I loved those notes, you really made me smile this morning.

ME- LOL, I wasnt sure, it thought it may of been a lil creepy.

Matt- NO WAY! it was soo cute! I mean I already knew some of the things but it was really nice to actually know exactly how you feel. If anything it only made me love you more...

ME- Aww!!!

Yeah.. Boy drama is in the air... God Im good!

Changes

2009-01-20T01:33:00.000-08:00

I dont know what is going on but for some reason it is 2:34am and I cant sleep.. so YAY I will entertain all of you.

You know that feeling when you are dating someone and you know there is a change, but you cant tell what it is.. You worry its you or something you did.. that maybe the person you are seeing has changed because they found someone new, or better than you.. Thats where I am right now.. I try to sleep, I hear him breathe.. I think things were off tonight SOMETHING IS WRONG!! Granted I am a gay man that tends to worry about EVERYTHING.. but I dont know this one is weird my gut is telling me something is up and it isnt good..

Why is Love so fucking hard.. I hate being alone, but I know im not in a relationship because of that... I feel like Im with someone I can see being with for a long time.. but why do I feel like I need to run away all the time... He has done so much already to show me that he cares and will do anything for me.. but why do I have this stupid feeling I cannot trust him?

Bla.... I refuse to give up without a fight! Ive been through enough shit already to just give up and walk away from it all......

Home at Last!

2009-01-18T11:22:00.000-08:00

In my last posting I had mentioned that I was moving and how great the place is.. But I didnt know it was going to be so bad getting here.. Packing was hell, we needed to get a large bed over to the house and the friend we had with the truck kept falling through.. So we decided to rent a UHAUL... We get to the UHAUL place and they didnt have the mini truck in that I wanted to use, so they upgraded us for free to the biggest stupid truck they had!! Matt wasnt comfortable driving it so it was up to me.. and Lets just say scary as shit!! But we did it.. after we dropped off the big things we took the truck back and hopped in Matts car and were headed to my old place so I could do some more packing and grab clothes and such.. and BOOM!!! We were in a head on collision... All I remember was Matt saying oh no, and looking at the other light and it being red and then an air bag in my face... When I woke up there was all this white powder shit from the airbags in the air and I couldnt breathe.. I tried to get out and went to open my door till I realized thats where the other car was as I looked out the window and saw the face of the dude driving the other car.. At this point I started to panic because I couldnt breathe or get out of the car.... It was kinda cute the entire time Matt was freaking out asking if I was okay...

Everyone was okay, the ambulance people checked everyone out and let us go.. Matt ended up getting a ticket for running a Red light (even though I dont think thats what happened) But we are alive and everything is good now!

YAY LIFE!!!

Moving!!!

2009-01-05T22:31:00.000-08:00

Well... the time has come for me to go... yes go.... Im sorry but I am sick of all the crap I put up with here,your stupid oldmanish homophobic ways and I am moving out TOMORROW!!

This was the note I wish I had left for my landlord.. But no.. everyone who knows me knows I have to be nice, so I handed over this months rent and said I was leaving.

I found the nicest place ever.. Its in a VERY old house and its an atic suite! It has 2 bedrooms (one is quite small so Im making it an office/spare room) It has a very old school feel to it and Im VERY excited to be moving in!! My man is going to be there all the time with me of course (biggest perk is not having to worry about having no where to "cuddle" anymore) It has a 20 x 20 deck that is surrounded by apple trees... I feel like writing a book or some shit...

Random funnies

2008-12-23T12:12:00.000-08:00

I took $1 because this is funny... Who would want this to stop!

I really do Like Milk this much too!

Yummy Noodles! Hold the Dog Please... This isnt Korea

I like Kissing my B/F like this!

Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow

2008-12-23T12:07:00.000-08:00

I hate Winter... Not so much the snow, but the cold, and Ice does it enough to make me want to move! I am not the most graceful person out there and should be thankful I can walk on dry pavement! I have come to terms that I am going to end up breaking a limb this winter, and have found a way to make falling down entertaining for EVERYONE! Its taken some practice (believe me Ive had a lot) but I have managed to find a way to yell "IM GOING DOWN!!!!" before I hit the ground!

Yes it does make me feel better, I appreciate laughing at my own pain too!

A Time Of Reflection

2008-12-23T11:54:00.000-08:00

I was trying to think of what all went on this year.. and what the next year may bring.. and everyone who knows me knows I dont have the best memory.. So.. I decided I would take a look at all my old Blog Posts and see what I like and dont like..

1) Boys suck and seem to be the main topic in my blog

2) Im REALLY GAY

3) I do a lot of gay things

4) Im very introverted

5) Work means more to me than Family

6) I miss all my friends

7) Im HELLA Funny!!!

Wow... 2008 in a nut shell!

New Tuneage

2008-12-18T10:27:00.000-08:00

I was talking to one of my ex's the other day and he led me to the most amazing thing in the world! OMFG!!! Feed the Animals, Girltalk!!! Its a mix of old and new, cool and oh so tacky... and it comes out as complete awesomeness!
SERIOUSLY its like eating chalk and chocolate and shitting gold! I couldn't find the CD anywhere so my "new man" found it and downloaded it for me! WOOT!!!!!

Let me know what you think!

The Not Fun Part Of My Job

2008-12-09T11:16:00.000-08:00

So I get a call the other day from the Chair of the Board telling me that from looking at the bank accounts we only have about 2 and a half months of funding left.. so I need to look into a fundraiser, or anyway we can get our hands on money... I have been on the phone for 2 hours talking to people to see how I can get some cash flowing in here, and so far it has been a dud.. How can people be so blind to see that we need help, and we are serving a community that needs the help.

Here is hoping money comes up somewhere.. or Ill be on the hunt for a new job in a couple months!

New Tatty

2008-12-07T17:39:00.000-08:00

So I got a new tattoo... Well some of it anyways.. its huge, it goes from my shoulder to just above my wrist! its tribal with Flowers all around it.. The guy that did it was suggested to me VIA a friend well, after 8 hours of work being done so far, Im not happy with it... He went too deep in parts, and its taking forever to heal. Not only that, he has gotten kinda creepy, its like he thinks we are BFFL's.. #1 NO!!!!! #2 when I was first getting it done he decided to share with me how he has always had homosexual feelings, but has never acted on it (EWWW) #3 he is gross and old...

Anyways, now I have a half tattoo done, and need to find someone to finish it...

Family Matters... Or maybe they dont

2008-11-24T22:59:00.000-08:00

Since my wonderful experience at home for thanksgiving I decided I was going to stay in the City, and be alone this Holiday season.. My aunt has a problem with this.. she is freaking out! Saying how Im dissing my whole family, and am trying to avoid her! Its to the point now that I have her blocked.. Im not going to put up with her shit!

On a brighter note.. my little cousin from BC is going to fly over to spend a week with me.. he doesn't get along with his family and it seems Im the only one he is willing to talk to! So he is asking his parents for a flight to see me for x-mas! We will have to see if he will be here in time for my work x-mas party and how much he can drink! haha... Oh my.. Im soooo going to hell!

Gimme Gimme Jen, Gimme, Gimme Jen

2008-11-20T00:02:00.000-08:00

On my way to work today I decided to call up my cellular provider to see what was going on since I noticed they had changed their plans up quite a bit.. and I got a wonderful little gem called unlimited Long Distance in Canada!!! So I decided to call my peep up in NS.. Well.. it has been in the works for quite a while now that she was coming here for new years, and we were going to party like its 1999... Well.. that was until today, when she informed me that she might not be able to because she has to leave on the 2nd!!!

J- Yeah.. I dont know if its going to work

W- WHAT! are you serious.. you cant do this to me.. I was soo excited, I had like pre ejaculatory fluid pumping out!

J- *laughing* HAHA, eww

W- Im serious.. the thought of partying with you made me wet.. I dont know what Ill do if you ditch me.. Ill start to chafe.. I cant do that! with out wetness It will be all sandpaperish!!

J-*laughs even more* Oh my.. I couldnt do that! Blue Ball a friend!

W- Not only that, I would have nothing to do! I would sit in a corner singing Britney Spears, but instead of the Regular lyrics it would be "gimme gimme JEN, gimme gimme gimme JEN.. or maybe Jen-a-nizer Jen-a-nizer oh your a Jen-a-nizer" It would be horrible!

J-*spits up a little bit with a laugh that now sounds a little like a snort*

W- Im serious.. you cant do that to me!

J-Ok, Ill come.. I dont want you to resort to that! I mean Blue Balls, Dry Genitals, and Britney remixes... that would be the worst New years Ever!

W- Thanks.. I knew I could count on you!!

OMG, I have the greatest friends a gal could ask for!

Exposing myself?

2008-11-15T13:41:00.001-08:00

and i said that right before the rihana played, you were like "i'm so tired" then right away you grabbed me and said "WE'RE DANCING" then i said something about you would have thought it was Britney, and you said "if it was Britney, not only would we have been dancing, but 'i would have taken my pants off'"

HAHA!!! My friend said I said this.. I dont think Im that Gay, but perhaps....

Code HOMO

2008-11-12T21:20:00.000-08:00

My room mate and I were walking home from coffee lastnight, and we realized we dont really talk at home when her dad is visiting (he is old and hates the gays) so we decided we would come up with codes for the boys we are seeing/interested in so we knew what we were talking about and he would be none the wiser...

So in out lingo,

Right now, Im totally watching Married with Children, but the clicker wont work, and Im getting sick of reruns.. Im thinking this may be a new episode, but for some reason Missing was on lastnight, so Im thiking suvivor might be taking over and someone is getting kicked off the island....

Its about time someone speaks up

2008-11-11T12:38:00.000-08:00

This guy is an amazing speaker.. I was moved that someone could care this much about the Proposition 8 Issue going on in the states... If you aren't familiar with it, gay marriage was passed, and now has been taken away... Its Sick....

Gay From 6 Blocks Away

2008-11-11T10:26:00.000-08:00

I have been talking to a few guys lately, and there is this one that I have been messaging alot.. well we havent really met up, Ive been busy or had plans.... He has asked me out about 5 times, so last night around 1030pm he texted me and said he was out for a drive... and I asked if he was in my area of the city, and if he wanted some company... He said sure so I did the responsible thing and walked like 10 blocks away from my house and had him meet me there. First he got lost so Im giving him directions on my phone, 15 to 20 min later he pulls up.. It had just started to snow, and I was covered.. I jumped into his SUV and we pulled off.. Went to Tim Horton's got ourselves a coffee, and then I gave him a tour of the city! He is a cutie!!! Im excited we are getting together again today, a little earlier though!

Now to make this post interesting I should tell you about this other guy.. He is Queerer than a $3 bill... Dude is so gay you could tell from 6 blocks away, he raises birds.. and is just overall a creepy type person.. we went on one date and now he thinks we are a couple... I have managed to avoid him for 3 days now.. other than like the 50 calls and voice mails.. Bla.. I think I might change my number, other than he knows where I work...

Lord help me....

TAXI!!!!

2008-11-03T22:02:00.001-08:00

I went into work today to get a little work done, but before heading out this morning my room mate and I had decided perhaps we should use our fridge as more than an art piece in our kitchen.. Well I got a little side tracked and time got away from me, so instead of taking the bus, I decided to call a cab!

15 min later a white van pulls up (I hate taking the van cabs.. makes me feel like a loser) and I hop in the front seat (back seat = more of a loser) After telling him where I needed to go, he starts driving and then asks me if I was opening up a store.. or what the Building I came out of was all about... HAHA! Awkward!! the easiest way to confuse people is saying its a "Centre for Sexual Minorities" but no... this guy wouldnt leave it alone.. So I break out the "its a centre for th Gay, lesbian, bi, trans, and Queer community"... he sits there for a min with out saying anything and adds that he has seen trannies before but only on TV!

I told him that Alberta has the highest rate of Trans people seeing how we are the only province that covers the Surgery.. and he was baffled!

He then goes on to tell me this story!

"When I was little in Uganda, I met a Prophet and he told us his story. When he was 19 he went to the well in his village to get water, as he looked into the well he fell asleep and fell into the well.. When he woke up he had drifted down a river, but something was different! He was no longer man, she was now a woman... and a beautiful woman at that! all the men wanted to get with her. after a few years she met a man and married! They had children, but to her it always felt weird because on the inside she knew she was a man! One day many years later the woman went to the river to gather some water and once again fell asleep! This time drowning.. She woke up to find herself back at the well as a 19 year old boy! He went back to his village and everyone was so surprised to see him! it had been 25 years that he was missing..."

Anywho... It was cool.. he was a cool old man! Had some good views on life!

Random Thoughts and Fun Times

2008-11-02T22:08:00.000-08:00

So my friend T-Dot and I were talking today about all the crazyness goin on in our lives and how we now both have leather harnesses.. well we have come up with the great idea to drive 4 hours to spend a weekend in Calgary and go to the Eagle (its a sketch leather gay bar) anywho.. we were talking about it and how his friend works for a hotel line and she could get us a cheap room.. well, I would rather not see him banging someone he meets at the bar, so I suggested 2 rooms.. when this came up he didnt know if it was possible for his friend to do so! so I suggested finding a cheap place to stay anyways..

Then this Gem came into my mind...

A run down hotel is like a guest book, but instead of signatures in a book its stains on the sheets!

OMG! its art.. Im telling you!

I should sell that to someone for a song or some shit!

I Think Im In love!!!!!

2008-11-02T21:56:00.000-08:00

OMG! ok.. so.. my friends figured I was wallowing in self pity for long enough, they decided I needed to get out and have some fun for Halloweeen! soooo.. We went to this new gay Bar Play.. and I must say, I had fun... Be it the 2 shots I had at dinner and the 12 bottles of Smirnoff ice.. I was letting loose..

Well, I was on the dance floor, enjoying myself, but not enough to spill my drink when all of a sudden it happened.. Its like it came from the heavens, the crowd moved, I got an open area on the dance floor and On came Annie Lennox Little Bird!

MY GOD! ME AND THIS WOMAN WERE MEANT TO BE!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIIudD44o58

Sad Face

2008-10-27T22:57:00.001-07:00

Another one bites the dust.... I fucking hate love............

All Funny stuff aside...

2008-10-27T11:05:00.000-07:00

Most of my recent posts have been attempts to make you wet yourself... however today isnt a very fun day... Yes once again Boy problems... I have been seeing this guy for (ill check facebook, thank god it tells me everything) Aug, 29th... HOLY crap thats two months in like 3 days.. woah... anywho.. last week alot of things came into play, I was hella sick and ended up having to go to Emergency at the Hospital, I ended up sitting there for 8 hours alone because he had a test the next morning and couldnt come to see me.. and ok, I can agree that school and your career are important things, but what if I died.... COME ON! Its not the fact that he didnt come see me as much as the he didnt even call or text the next day to see if I was okay.. I ended up texting him the night after everything had happened telling him I was ok and not to worry.. (like he even cared) Well, now he has been gone for a week doing smoe kind of training for work and such, I think I have heard from him 5 times maybe, I dont think I am that high maintenance but when I have to hear from your friends to find out you like me... and never from you there is a problem.

I was all on the defence that I was going to just tell him Im sick of trying, and that I know Im worth something and if he doesnt see that he can go to hell... If he does, then maybe he should start acting like it.......

Im sitting here waiting for 4pm to roll around when he is off work, and everything goes down... Ill let you know what happens.. all I know is there is probably going to be alot of crying.. and for some stupid reason I have the new PCD song stuck in my mind...

BLA!

Fun is the first word in Fundraiser for a reason

2008-10-25T20:21:00.000-07:00

Last night was the Big day! We did AMAZING!!! The Nurses did awesome, and were great sports.. singing their gay song, getting beat up by a Dom! I was fortunate enough to meet lots of interesting people including a few Furries!! What in the hell are Furies you might be asking.. Well Ok, an attempt at a balanced definition. I am NOT a furry but both sides hear me out before reaching for that thumbs down.

Furries are a relatively recent phenomenon which has been catapulted into near-mainstreamness almost solely because of the internet. It is obvious furries are very much victims of tarring the majority with the brush of an "unappealing" minority.

In the simplest sense furries are fans of anthropromorphic animals. That is, animals with human like features or tendencies (Fox McCloud, Sonic the Hedgehog... etc) pretty much all furries will create their own character or "fursona" for use as an art model and roleplaying, the designs of which vary wildly dependant on the artists skill and eye for contrasting colours (You get both amazing and appalling furry artists, and a wide skill range between these two) some furries can work wonders when it comes to creating a character on second life

The above paragraph is an apt description of your standard "furry", however there is a small but VERY vocal minority of the "yiff yiff" kind of division. Even though this sort of furry probably only takes up 1/10th of the fandom this is by FAR the type you hear about most often from anti-furry biased sources.

Furry porn is dangerously close to bestiality. Sorry to anyone who likes it, but it is... However the ones who like it seem to be in a minority, with the ones liking the odd fetishes like "vore" and "macro" a very small minority indeed.

Furries get a lot of crap thrown at them on the internet in relation to the activities of the minority of their fanbase. They have a reputation to reacting to this in an over the top manner (such as comparing their treatment to the Holocaust), which realy doesn't do them many favours.

However on the whole they are just a group of people who are fans of a single concept, seem to know how to have fun.. Well the point of this information session is that they were there.. and I found myself a cute one! we danced... I played with his tail... pulled on his leash a little (not being dirty at all.. he had an actual collar and leash) anywho... yeah.. it was fun..

a week in the life...

2008-10-19T16:49:00.000-07:00

I couldnt think of anything to write, but I know how lojo depends on me and my interesting stories... so here's a little story about how my week went..

.......

ok I dont remember much, other than I got my nipples stretched! WOOT! Up two gauges! Let me tell you people... If you are ever thinking about getting it done... it hurts LIKE A MOFO!!!!! I almost threw up.. speaking of pain and throwing up, it turns out I have a stomach infection! I dont know what is wrong with me! Im getting broken and sick, Im never this hard up! Thursday night my man decided we should hang out, seeing how he was going to be gone for a week (sob) so.. we went to WEM! (the worlds biggest mall sucks when you live here, forgive me for not doing my white girl giggle and clap) Anywho, I spent like $600.00 on clothes.. mostly a coat that I am in love with and a pink... yes I say PINK cashmere sweater! for the love of god! Well half way through our spree I started to get dizzy, and burning up.. Not like the Johnas Brothers, but fever wise.. By the time we had gotten back to C`s house I was red as a pepper and he couldnt even hold his hand to my face for more then 2 min`s. We (and by this I mean he) decided that we shouldnt "do anything" so to sleep we went! The alarm clock went off at like 6:30am, and I was feeling better, and had no fever so I broke into his bathroom with a coat hanger and joined him in the shower! I had to hurry because I was meeting my two students downtown for a coffee before we went for our mani's and pedi's! After my non-fat mocha my stomach started to hurt like a bitch, but do you think that was going to stop me from my day at the spa.. hells no! so like a trooper I went and enjoyed my pampering.. after our 3 hours at the spa we decided we were hungry so we should go for lunch! After pounding back a burger and onion rings.. I was feeling even worse! Went back to the office and after about an hour I decided to go home! That night the pain got so bad I went to the Emergency room and after 5 hours decided the hell with it and went home.. Saturday morning I was supposed to be leaving for the weekend off to the Mountains but I woke up to the shooting pains again! Anyways, long story short.. still in pain, b/f is gone for a week.. and stretching your nipples sucks....

I question myself at times

2008-10-13T09:01:00.000-07:00

Okay, I was going through YouTube.. bored one day, and I decided to look up some videos .. and I came across this!

And I fell in love! OMG WHAT A CUTIE!!! So Im sitting here, creaming over how damn cute he is, and all the wonderful things Id like to do to him... wondering if he would still have that adorable little smile... and I scroll down looking through his 100 videos.. and I come across this!

Im telling you nothing kills the moment like finding out a guy you like dresses like a woman!

Im going to go sleep with my boyfriend now just to make sure Im not digin' the pork Taco!

WOMEN!

2008-10-11T09:43:00.000-07:00

Why is it that women think gay men have no boundaries? I mean.. The past week has been pretty crazy.. I am saying things I never thought I would ever say in my life!

"are your boobs real? they're huge"
"no, they are new.. wanna feel them?"
"Sure!"

OMG! I think I have touched more boobs this week than any straight man I know! And dont even get me started on dancing! GOOD LORD! If you dont let hetero men all up in there why in hell would you try and make a gay guy?! YUCKYYYYY!!! Im going to start having nightmares about the pork taco!!! And, I would like to take this time to clear the air about some things...

FAG-HAG = A woman who clings to a gay man, to bring excitement into her life, who needs to lose more than a few pounds and probably shaves everyday!

FAG-SESSORY = A woman who has style, like a murse, we carry you around with us, use you to flaunt our talents, and to bag the guy we want.. You could totally go out on your own, we just have so much fun that you dont.

I have no FAG HAGS in my life.. They tend to drag you down!

Whip it... Whip it good

2008-10-09T10:48:00.000-07:00

Every once and a while at the Centre, we are sent some intern students to work for us (I really like free workers) and this round about I have 2 high energy little blonds! Lets just say first off... they really do have more fun! Yesterday we went to Ikea, and OMGL... We would go to every little set up room and pretend we were living in it, and take a picture! It was a Hoot! However, the best part was when we went to this little shop 3 doors down from the Centre.. Its a leather/kink shop! We are putting on a fundraiser, and it is the job of these students to get us items for a silent auction, and people to do acts in our talent show.. well, we go over there to see if they have anything they would be interested in donating.. the Owner introduces herself, and her husband and then the Husband leads us over to this little back room, unlocks the door and tells us we can pick anything we want.... the 3 of us look at this wall, and there is masks, whips, floggers, ball gags, cock rings... just about anything you can think of! We stand there and try and think of what someone would want.. lets just say none of us have ever thought about anything in this room! Until, the girls eye was taken by a gold sparkling flogger! They were mesmerized!! after about 30 min of trying to decide, the owner comes over and lent us a hand, telling us what things did, and what he thought would be the best.. Apparently the Floggers arent theirs, so we had to go with something else! We now have a body harness that I want to bid on! While they were getting everything ready to go I happened to mention that they should come to the Event, and that perhaps they could do something in the talent show! You know, whip someone up.. that kinda thing! We get back to the Office and not even 2 hours later there is a call for me, its the owner, and she says that we need to go back over to the shop! I grab the students and we get there and she introduces us to her DOM!! yes, dominatrix! HOLY CRAP!! she says she would love to do something in our show, but she is going to need someone to "take her wrath" of course knowing the audience we are catering to, I said it had to be one of the girls... I looked over at the one student that fell in love with the Gold flogger and said she would love to do it!!!!

I am excited to say.. at the Fundraiser, my little nurse student will be bending over and taking one for the team! LMAO! Oh I love my job!

Funniest thing ever!

2008-10-06T20:50:00.000-07:00

**WARNING** This site has lot of nudity.. well that is the point but it is Hillarious!!! LOJO.. I know your going to love it! Its gay men that post nude pictures of themselvs, and these people dont even pay attention to the men in the picture.. but the room they are in! Check it out!

http://www.luriddigs.com/

To Go or Not to Go

2008-10-06T10:27:00.000-07:00

Thanksgiving... What a wonderful time of year! The time spent with Friends,and Family! Its a hoot! Well, most people say it is, I think im in a different place about it. This year, it was the decision, am I thankful enough to shell out $150 to hop a bus for 3 hours, tell my family Im not thankful for them, eat almost nothing because its going to be way too high in fat for my diet, and then come home? I was thinking of ways to make it better, like spending time with my boyfriend, but no.. he has to spend time with his family and Im not invited! GUESS WHY! He isnt out... Oh how fun for me! So much for having the dreaded in laws! I would rather be thankful for sitting home alone with a bottle of wine and a few good movies..

Love

2008-10-05T19:18:00.000-07:00

Some guys don't know what is Love or Lust.
Let me be the one to tell you:
Lust is when you love what you see and Love is when you lust for what's inside.
Love is too strong a word to say it too early, but it has too beautiful a meaning to say it too late.

The Life and Times

2008-10-05T10:21:00.000-07:00

Hello again everyone! I have been a very busy boy, and been ignoring my blog for quite some time now! *slaps on the hand* But Now I AM BACK! I know I said that last post.. but now I am in a position that I think I need to start sharing again before I go insane!

Since the last time I had posted things have changed up quite a bit! I am no longer working at the Homeless shelter, it turns out that a Christian shelter is no place for a fag... At least that is what I was told my numerous co workers... But you know, life has a funny way of doing things! As all the issues were coming up at work (being told all gay people were molested as children and enjoyed it, and that I was living a life of sin with everything I did) a position became available at a local GLBTQ centre I was volunteering for! I applied and am now running the Centre! Its amazing! I work with so many different people and I am learning so much! The whole alphabet soup thing with the GLBTTTIQQA, I have meetings just like everyone else, but mine are with Royalty! Drag Queens and Kings,and learning how to be a man from all the bull dyke's!

All I have to say is thank god they are around, I had to build something the other day!

Im thinking it might be fun to blog all the interesting things that happen to me at work! Watch out for another day in the Life!

Long time no Blog!

2008-06-05T03:47:00.000-07:00

Hello Everyone!

Sorry it has been so long but I have been quite Busy!!!

Lets see, the most basic update I can give...well, I am workign full time! LOVE my job, I am a youth worker at a homeless shelter! I am currently taking some courses, and hope to have my degree in counciling in a year or so... ummm... My life has kind of been a mess.. The company I am working for is a Christian Organization, and I must say its good to get back in touch with my religion, however no one really knows who I am. Which make it hard to enjoy being here. When I hear all the negitive things, and just turn a deaf ear.. its gotten to the point that I am standing up for everything I believe in, so its kinda nice!

I am still alone in this world, but its ok! recently I have been pushing everyone away. I just want my space to be who I am, and not need to worry about how it effects others. And make choices I wont look back on and wonder what the hell I was thinking!

I am hoping to get back into this again ( I know I said that before) but now that I have a few hours to kill everynight, I will try and keep this updated!

Life is Like a RollerCoaster

2008-01-24T12:31:00.000-08:00

Im back!

So in life we have ups and downs... well people currently my life seems to be digging deeper and deeper! If I dont reach the other side soon I dont know whats going to happen! Lets see, Im not even going to talk about MEN!!! I got in my first car accident! I now have a hate on for the city and their ability of clearing the roads! I am coming to the conclusion that there are lucky people and then there is me... OH WELL! Lets see, what else is new........ OH I got a new Job, I am now a Youth Worker in a homeless shelter! YAY! all but the part that I am paid monthly instead of biweekly! So now all my bills are going to be messed up for next month! oh well, a month with out a phone wont be that bad... as long as I can make my rent payment.... which, oh look at this... isnt going to happen unless I can find a way to magicly come up with a money tree!!!! Life isnt that bad, Im still losing weight! YAY! Having no money for food really helps!

When is this ride going to Change it up, Im starting to feel sick......

Its begining to feel alot like ..... I just want to die!

2007-12-22T20:14:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas!............ this is what you would be hearing from someone who actually gave a damn!! I have been spending so much time this year trying to get myself in the spirit of the season..... to no avail! Through work, I have seen how people come together this time of year to make things better for those less fortunate, but Its just not doing it for me. This year I would rather be at home with a book relaxing.... NOT spending it with the familly I could do with out seeing! The good part Is I have gotten to see a couple old friends that Ive missed... but Im good now and would really like to leave!
Im really not a grinch!

The New Me!

2007-12-20T20:21:00.000-08:00

I started LA weight loss yesterday! YAY! My be skinny date is March 09! Watch out bitches!

Over Due Update!

2007-12-13T19:14:00.000-08:00

Hey Everyone! Im sorry it has been forever since I have posted on here! Work has been Crazy! So.... lets see where to start.... Umm new Job... LOVE IT! Um sex life.... Pfft, broken hearted yet again, but have a promising new prospect! (special needs T.A.! And OMFG Hotty!) Ummmm..... Ive lost sooo much weight, I cant wear my pimp grad ring anymore! Moved to Calgary, and then back to Edmonton.... And I moved to a different house... I think that is it in a nut shell! I am missing everyone sooo much, I kinda just want to go back in time and make everything the way it was! Stocking shelvs, JT dancing.... hmmmm... those were the days!

WTF should I do!?

2007-11-14T00:08:00.000-08:00

Holla! I am afraid this post is a sad one! I know, compared to all my wonderfully hilarious ones this is going to be a drag, but what can ya do.... not everyone is happy all the time, unless you are Posh spice and get to grab beckhams ass 24/7 (now that's happiness people) Any ways.... back to my point, for some reason my mind has decided I cant settle down with just one guy! I don't know if its making up for the 21 years of being in the closet! or Im turning into Allan! hmmmmm he seems to be coming up more and more (PS: has he come out yet or is he still pretending to be banging his chiropractors secretary?) The guy I was talking about in my previous posts Ian is sooo sweet, he hasn't been with many guys, and up until a little while ago hadn't told his parents! We have been together a while now, but nothing big has happened or come out of it because we both know he is leaving for France at the end of Dec for 6 months! now people have been telling me that 6 months isnt that long, but it is.... and I dont know if I can handle it! So I have been talking to this guy Tommy for a while and he was seeing this guy and they broke up and he left for BC... well he has now told me after soooo long that he has always had these feelings for me and I have to admit I had them too, but with him being #1 taken and then #2 moving to BC kinda forgot about him..... Until now when he is moving back so he can be with me! (just so we are clear NOT the only reason he is coming back, because that would be f'n creepy!) But anyways, I am picking him up at the bus station tomorrow! So now I have 3 options.... #1 Break up with Ian and be with Tommy... #2 Stay with Ian and forget about Tommy..... Or #3 Stay with both of them until Ian Leaves in Dec and then just transfer over to just Tommy! I have no idea what to do! those of you who know me know that I cannot be mean, and I know breaking up with Ian is going to crush him! But I dont want to be a player either! LORD HELP ME!

Perfect Night........ Ummm I think not

2007-11-10T08:47:00.000-08:00

OK! So last night Ian wanted to take me out to a play! (WOW WHAT A SWEETIE!!!) Lets just say I was excited! So, before the play we had decided to go for coffee with J and A.... Well we were done coffee and back to the house about an hour before the play was going to start... so J and A had left and that left Ian myself and J's dad! So being respectful or so I thought, we went down stairs to be out of the way and not make noise while he was watching his show! Well after I don't know maybe 10 Min's we hear him upstairs FREAKING OUT!!! he had called up J and was screaming at her because Ian and I were downstairs alone! (apparently he really likes me and has no issues with gay people, just what gay people do) so I get a call on my cell phone from J saying my dad is really uncomfortable and you guys need to leave! Ian was really good about it... he just said OK lets go, gave me a kiss and grabbed his coat... we got our stuff and left, the thing now is I don't know whether to apologise for having my boyfriend in my room, or to pretend like nothing happened and just make sure it doesn't happen again! DOES ANYONE KNOW OF ANY RENTAL PLACES IN EDMONTON!??!?!?!? THAT ARE AVAILABLE ASAP?!

UPDATE

2007-11-08T10:34:00.001-08:00

Sorry It has been so long since i have been on here! I have been soooo busy! Any who! Lets see what New in my life... as of yesterday I have a new BF!!!!! YAY! Go Ian! He is the cutest thing in the world, and has a rocking ass, abs, and well you get the point! we have been seeing each other for a few weeks now and we have finally decided to give it a go..... Unlike hetero relationships we dont automatically assume we are bf's even after we have started sleeping together... Its just the way it works... Men are sluts... we have needs, and we dont need to be close to someone to get them (wow I sound like Allan!!!) *Only Kat will get that one* SO ya... Its all good in that area.. I now have to tell the other 3 that Im taken :( Ummmm... I got a new job! I start on the 19th! Finally a position in a NPO! Im trying to decide right now If I want to keep the Wonder full Call center position as well as this one and just work my ass to the bone for a while.... We will see how it all plays out in the end! Um right now I am sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of tea that I made over an hour ago... I think I have had 3 sips, Went to the dr today turns out I have a really bad throat infection! YAY!!!! I can barely talk! NOT FUN PEOPLE NOT FUN AT ALL!!!
I keep trying to think of what else has happened.........

OHHHHH YA!

I downloaded the new Britney cd!! I know kill me...... kill me now! The worst part is I am addicted to a couple of the songs! WOW! What is the city doing to me!?

Happy Halloween!

2007-10-28T19:42:00.001-07:00

OMFG!! Ok so lastnight.. my room mates and I went to this bar downtown.. and it was a hetero country bar! I thought ok... I got kicked out of a regular bar, for wearing regular clothes... how is this bar going to be with me wearing my extreemly sexy army outfit?! Anyways, I ot over it and went.. when we got to this place I must say it was horrid! How in the hell do you dance to slow country music!? After like 10 songs they decided they would start pumping out some r&b and some pop... so I was getting my groove on! Well afer about half an hour of dancing with the girls this guy came over and started to dance beside me... I thought ok, maybe he was there to pick up one of the gals, untill he put his arm around my back and told me to dance with him! WOW! So we started dancing and he began doing the whole groin rub from behind dance thing!!! haha, I look up and there is like 5 other men around us dancing! We made this Cowboy filled fruitfly swatting bar into our own little homo party! After dancing for ever! The girls and I decided to go and grab another drink.. while we were sitting there J decided she had to use the little girls room, so I took her spot and talked to A... all of a sudden I felt someone tap me on the shoulder! This guy had been watching me dance and wanted to talk to me!! HAHA!! wow! who knew wearing tight skimpy pants would be so much fun!!!!

PS: Date this Wed!!!!! BOOYAH!!!

Worst Night Ever

2007-10-21T01:07:00.000-07:00

Well it is Sat night, and J, A and I decided we were going to the bar. Well we started out at boots, but we decided to move on to something better... I was suggesting that we go to the Roost, but A was uncomfortable with the gay bar scene, so we went to a normal club. This place was cool, lots of people, no cover, and cheap drinks! Any ways, after dancing a couple hours away, the girls decided they had to go to the washroom.... while they were in there, one of the bouncers came up to me, standing there and asked if I was gay.... now I figured he was cute, and maybe he just might be flirting with me or something. But as soon as I got yes out of my mouth he told me I needed to get the F' out of the bar! Now it took us half an hour to find this bar, and you could tell J and A were annoyed and by the time we found this one everyone was a little annoyed. So instead of messing up their night I just told them I was going to leave and go to another bar... I walked home with out a coat, and couldn't get a hold of anyone... so, a nice hour walk home, crying made my night!

No Longer a Gay Bar Virgin!

2007-10-20T10:18:00.000-07:00

Ok.. Last night K came up from Calgary, and we went to one of the gay bars here in the city... Well being my first time I was a little concerned... so when I got there I got a drink and went and sat with K and these 2 guys he had met and I was kinda freaking out, due to the dude in ass-less jeans in a cage right beside my face, soooo... I downed that drink, got another 2 and then they saw I was still a little uncomfortable, so K gave me his drink... Now not have eaten all day it kinda hit me hard... so when a good song came on I decided to get up and dance,not only could I not stand straight I prolly looked like an idiot as well! After a few songs I needed to go sit down again, and when I got back one of the guys K had met was sitting on my side of the table... so I climbed in and started talking to him, Well I dont know if any of you have ever been to one, but every hot guy has their shirt off! So I leaned over to this guy and asked why he still had his on! Well apparently he didnt appreciate the fact that I had my hand on his inner thigh! and didnt talk to me from that point on! hahaahahahahahaha! Anywho! The other guy was even hotter anyways! So after K and I had danced for a while it was about 3am, so we were going to leave, well the dude who was no longer talking to me told him he didnt want him to leave, so as I am ready to go, he begins dry humping and macking out with this guy! So I decide Ill give them some time, I went back to the dance floor, and found this guy on the stage (between the cages) and he kinda backed up into me, it was a good time for sure.... and tonight Im Hitting up a different one with J! YAY!!! But Im not going to drink this time!

I hate that I love you so!

2007-10-19T00:32:00.000-07:00

This song is the story of my love life! I still haven't heard from J since I snapped.... I don't know where this is coming from! But I cant get over it!

[Rihanna (Ne-Yo):]
That’s how much I love you (yeah)
That’s how much I need you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
And I can’t stand ya
Must everything you do
make me wanna smile
Can I not like you for awhile
No..

[Ne-Yo:]
but you won’t let me
You upset me girl
and then you kiss my lips
All of a sudden I forget
that I was upset
Can’t remember what you did

[Ne-Yo:]
But I hate it

[Rihanna:]
You know exactly what to do
So that I can’t stay mad at you
For too long, that’s wrong

[Ne-Yo:]
Girl, I hate it
You know exactly how to touch
So that I don’t wanna fuss and fight no more
So I despise that I adore you

[Rihanna (Ne-Yo):]
And I hate how much I love you boy (yeah)
I can’t stand how much I need you (I need you)
And I hate how much I love you boy (ooh)
But I just can’t let you go
And I hate that I love you so..

[Ne-Yo:]
And you completely know the power that you have
The only one that makes me laugh

[Rihanna:]
Sad and it’s not fair how you take advantage of the fact that I
Love you beyond the reason why
And it just ain’t right

[Ne-Yo:]
And I hate how much I love you girl
I can’t stand how much I need you
And I hate how much I love you girl
But I just can’t let you go
And I hate that I love you so

[Both:]
One of these days maybe your magic won’t affect me
And your kiss won’t make me weak
But no one in this world knows me the way you know me
So you’ll probably always have a spell on me..

[Rihanna:]
That’s how much I love you
How much I need you
That’s how much I need you
That’s how much I love you
That’s how much I need you

[Rihanna (Ne-Yo):]
And I hate that I love you sooo...
And I hate how much I love you boy (Hey)
I can’t stand how much I need you (I can’t stand how much I need you)
And I hate how much I love you boy (yeah...ooh)
But I just can’t let you go (But I just can’t let you go, no)
And I hate that I love you so

[Both:]
And I hate that I love you so.. so..

Queer Poker?!

2007-10-18T00:37:00.000-07:00

Just in case everyone doesn't know I started my new Job on Monday! YAY for me! Ne who! We have gone from a training class of 9 down to 3! Well tonight when we were finished our training we sat around and were shooting shit, when the older guy of the group begins to talk about how he is going to miss his regular poker night because we are stuck in training! Well our instructor begins talking about the different types of poker he plays and this old guy begins to rant off many many more! One of them Including one he mentioned was when you played it Queers!? hmmm..... Now I have no Idea what this means, but I was a little annoyed at it, so I asked him to repeat what he had just said... Queer, Its how you play it its all messed up and that's how it gets its name! I was kind of taken back for a second seeing how maybe one or two hours previous we had talked about the Diversity at our work place... And I said umm, you shouldn't use that term... and he said why you have a problem with the Queers!? I kinda looked at him for a second and said ya, I am one! Well I have never seen someone have a reaction like that in my life, he sunk his head and went and sat back at his station! The instructor just kind of stood there and looked at me to see how pissed I really was, until I began to laugh at the thought of this old man being put in his place! HAHAHA!!!! Old people! I think I could put posts on here everyday involving one! Maybe they should have their own type of poker game!

Still No Idea!

2007-10-18T00:19:00.000-07:00

Once again with the BF! As I stated in the previous posting, I have no idea what is going on or where we are in terms of a couple... So tonight (at work) I received a text From J saying that his ex (used to be my friend until I took his BF) Had sent him a nasty e-mail about how he was cheating on him with me (didn't happen to be clear) and bla bla bla... So, I figured ok my time to get in there and see what is going on, so I texted back well how do you feel on the whole issue, and there was no response, so after about an hour I sent a "?" with the response of what does "?" mean? So I repeated the question and still nothing... Then I kinda snapped, and sent him a text saying WTF is going on, You never talk to me anymore and if you want me to just leave you alone just say so and I will! Well he sent me a message back saying that he couldn't believe what I just said, because I was the one who said I would wait, and I'm just like everyone else, maybe he should just be alone.... so NOW to make this all even more confusing he isn't responding to anything else I have said......... Why is it all so Damn Confusing!?

"Hey L!"

"Hi, W"

"I got into a fight with J tonight"

"oh thats not good"

"Oh well,"

"are you guys going to be ok?"

"I don't Know!"

"God he is worse than a Woman"

"I know the tough part is though, Im just not sure if Its Love or the Fact I didn't get the Glory Bang!"

What To Do........??

2007-10-16T12:54:00.000-07:00

OK, so the boyfriend issue is still up in the air! I don't know what to think or what to do! He has told me that he needs some time to think things over and build on himself so that he has more to bring to our "relationship". The way I feel about this is mixed... I Love him SO much that I don't want to just blow it off and say OK, you have had some time I cant wait, But I cant wait forever! I keep getting mixed signals, he texts me every day! Saying good morning, and Every night before he goes to bed, but Its never anything to do with us... Its always just random things he is doing! I constantly ask him how he is feeling and where he sees this going and he says he doesn't want to rush it! It has been almost a month! I have not seen him, and things haven't changed?! Do I believe what the says that he just needs time? How much time do I give? or should I just get over it, stop being so damn oblivious and move on!?

One of those Moments

2007-10-09T23:46:00.000-07:00

Have you ever seen or heard something that just touched you.... made you think WOW.... Well this video is one of them!

Why?

2007-10-07T21:09:00.000-07:00

Ok... So Thanksgiving being this weekend... Its a time for family and friends to come together.. Included in this would be my Boyfriend. Well Since I have moved to the city I have not seen him, our lives revolve around texting and phone conversations and of course MSN, so this was a big deal! I know he has been feeling off because I am now over 2 hours away from him and he has no way to come and see me, so Being the "romantic" I am I figured I would show him how much I love him/Care! So the other day I wrote down every time I thought about him and why... and today went to the florist, and had them attach a card to a one flower for every time! well... I think about him alot! So 46 or 47 flowers were purchased! The florist was going to make an exception and deliver them tomorrow because she was touched by what I was doing! Well..... about half an hour ago I get a text from the guy I love saying that he isn't going to come anymore, he is leaving town with his mom! I would understand completely if he didn't see her on a regular basis... but this isn't the case! And they fact that he lets me know the night before!? Obviously the feelings I have are NOT shared!!! But the thing is this is the first person I can say I have truly loved! I cant stop thinking of him, I Cry.. at the thought of not being with him or being able to see him... AND I'M NOT A CRIER!!! I don't know If I can just keep going like this.... and he knows that its going to be a while before I can come back down!

I GIVE UP!

BEWARE of LITTLE OLD LADY

2007-10-06T17:43:00.000-07:00

Well, I just moved to the Big City! E-town has a new addition to its wonderful community!

I call it a wonderful City/Community but is it really?! I know things are going to be different than in a small town, but does that mean all humanity has to lose its kindness for one another!? Being New, I don't exactly know my way around, and the other day I was on my way home when I realized I don't know where home is! I had managed to get myself lost in suburbia hell and had no idea where to go! So I did what anyone would do.... Look for a non scary looking person and ask for help! Well.... this sweet little old lady was walking her dog down the sidewalk so I politely asked her if she could please help me find out where I was and where I had to go, (not in those terms so I didn't come across as a crazy) Well, just as I got the first oh Id say 3 words out of my mouth the woman tells me I need to keep on walking! In a firm tone..... "KEEP ON WALKING" Like WTF?! Oh well... I guess Ill learn to be a cold hard B***h eventually!

First Blog!

2007-10-06T16:44:00.000-07:00

Ok... So I have friends who all have blogs and I thought it was a stupid Idea at first..... Ill be the bigger person right now and admit I was wrong! Go ahead poke at the fact I caved into the general "Norm" WHATEVER! I am not sure how Much I will use this but I have started posting mesages in my Facebook, and people are telling me Notes aren't a blog! So Here I am!