Merry Christmas!............ this is what you would be hearing from someone who actually gave a damn!! I have been spending so much time this year trying to get myself in the spirit of the season..... to no avail! Through work, I have seen how people come together this time of year to make things better for those less fortunate, but Its just not doing it for me. This year I would rather be at home with a book relaxing.... NOT spending it with the familly I could do with out seeing! The good part Is I have gotten to see a couple old friends that Ive missed... but Im good now and would really like to leave! Im really not a grinch!
Hey Everyone! Im sorry it has been forever since I have posted on here! Work has been Crazy! So.... lets see where to start.... Umm new Job... LOVE IT! Um sex life.... Pfft, broken hearted yet again, but have a promising new prospect! (special needs T.A.! And OMFG Hotty!) Ummmm..... Ive lost sooo much weight, I cant wear my pimp grad ring anymore! Moved to Calgary, and then back to Edmonton.... And I moved to a different house... I think that is it in a nut shell! I am missing everyone sooo much, I kinda just want to go back in time and make everything the way it was! Stocking shelvs, JT dancing.... hmmmm... those were the days!
Holla! I am afraid this post is a sad one! I know, compared to all my wonderfully hilarious ones this is going to be a drag, but what can ya do.... not everyone is happy all the time, unless you are Posh spice and get to grab beckhams ass 24/7 (now that's happiness people) Any ways.... back to my point, for some reason my mind has decided I cant settle down with just one guy! I don't know if its making up for the 21 years of being in the closet! or Im turning into Allan! hmmmmm he seems to be coming up more and more (PS: has he come out yet or is he still pretending to be banging his chiropractors secretary?) The guy I was talking about in my previous posts Ian is sooo sweet, he hasn't been with many guys, and up until a little while ago hadn't told his parents! We have been together a while now, but nothing big has happened or come out of it because we both know he is leaving for France at the end of Dec for 6 months! now people have been telling me that 6 months isnt that long, but it is.... and I dont know if I can handle it! So I have been talking to this guy Tommy for a while and he was seeing this guy and they broke up and he left for BC... well he has now told me after soooo long that he has always had these feelings for me and I have to admit I had them too, but with him being #1 taken and then #2 moving to BC kinda forgot about him..... Until now when he is moving back so he can be with me! (just so we are clear NOT the only reason he is coming back, because that would be f'n creepy!) But anyways, I am picking him up at the bus station tomorrow! So now I have 3 options.... #1 Break up with Ian and be with Tommy... #2 Stay with Ian and forget about Tommy..... Or #3 Stay with both of them until Ian Leaves in Dec and then just transfer over to just Tommy! I have no idea what to do! those of you who know me know that I cannot be mean, and I know breaking up with Ian is going to crush him! But I dont want to be a player either! LORD HELP ME!
OK! So last night Ian wanted to take me out to a play! (WOW WHAT A SWEETIE!!!) Lets just say I was excited! So, before the play we had decided to go for coffee with J and A.... Well we were done coffee and back to the house about an hour before the play was going to start... so J and A had left and that left Ian myself and J's dad! So being respectful or so I thought, we went down stairs to be out of the way and not make noise while he was watching his show! Well after I don't know maybe 10 Min's we hear him upstairs FREAKING OUT!!! he had called up J and was screaming at her because Ian and I were downstairs alone! (apparently he really likes me and has no issues with gay people, just what gay people do) so I get a call on my cell phone from J saying my dad is really uncomfortable and you guys need to leave! Ian was really good about it... he just said OK lets go, gave me a kiss and grabbed his coat... we got our stuff and left, the thing now is I don't know whether to apologise for having my boyfriend in my room, or to pretend like nothing happened and just make sure it doesn't happen again! DOES ANYONE KNOW OF ANY RENTAL PLACES IN EDMONTON!??!?!?!? THAT ARE AVAILABLE ASAP?!
Sorry It has been so long since i have been on here! I have been soooo busy! Any who! Lets see what New in my life... as of yesterday I have a new BF!!!!! YAY! Go Ian! He is the cutest thing in the world, and has a rocking ass, abs, and well you get the point! we have been seeing each other for a few weeks now and we have finally decided to give it a go..... Unlike hetero relationships we dont automatically assume we are bf's even after we have started sleeping together... Its just the way it works... Men are sluts... we have needs, and we dont need to be close to someone to get them (wow I sound like Allan!!!) *Only Kat will get that one* SO ya... Its all good in that area.. I now have to tell the other 3 that Im taken :( Ummmm... I got a new job! I start on the 19th! Finally a position in a NPO! Im trying to decide right now If I want to keep the Wonder full Call center position as well as this one and just work my ass to the bone for a while.... We will see how it all plays out in the end! Um right now I am sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of tea that I made over an hour ago... I think I have had 3 sips, Went to the dr today turns out I have a really bad throat infection! YAY!!!! I can barely talk! NOT FUN PEOPLE NOT FUN AT ALL!!! I keep trying to think of what else has happened.........
OHHHHH YA!
I downloaded the new Britney cd!! I know kill me...... kill me now! The worst part is I am addicted to a couple of the songs! WOW! What is the city doing to me!?
OMFG!! Ok so lastnight.. my room mates and I went to this bar downtown.. and it was a hetero country bar! I thought ok... I got kicked out of a regular bar, for wearing regular clothes... how is this bar going to be with me wearing my extreemly sexy army outfit?! Anyways, I ot over it and went.. when we got to this place I must say it was horrid! How in the hell do you dance to slow country music!? After like 10 songs they decided they would start pumping out some r&b and some pop... so I was getting my groove on! Well afer about half an hour of dancing with the girls this guy came over and started to dance beside me... I thought ok, maybe he was there to pick up one of the gals, untill he put his arm around my back and told me to dance with him! WOW! So we started dancing and he began doing the whole groin rub from behind dance thing!!! haha, I look up and there is like 5 other men around us dancing! We made this Cowboy filled fruitfly swatting bar into our own little homo party! After dancing for ever! The girls and I decided to go and grab another drink.. while we were sitting there J decided she had to use the little girls room, so I took her spot and talked to A... all of a sudden I felt someone tap me on the shoulder! This guy had been watching me dance and wanted to talk to me!! HAHA!! wow! who knew wearing tight skimpy pants would be so much fun!!!!
Well it is Sat night, and J, A and I decided we were going to the bar. Well we started out at boots, but we decided to move on to something better... I was suggesting that we go to the Roost, but A was uncomfortable with the gay bar scene, so we went to a normal club. This place was cool, lots of people, no cover, and cheap drinks! Any ways, after dancing a couple hours away, the girls decided they had to go to the washroom.... while they were in there, one of the bouncers came up to me, standing there and asked if I was gay.... now I figured he was cute, and maybe he just might be flirting with me or something. But as soon as I got yes out of my mouth he told me I needed to get the F' out of the bar! Now it took us half an hour to find this bar, and you could tell J and A were annoyed and by the time we found this one everyone was a little annoyed. So instead of messing up their night I just told them I was going to leave and go to another bar... I walked home with out a coat, and couldn't get a hold of anyone... so, a nice hour walk home, crying made my night!
Ok.. Last night K came up from Calgary, and we went to one of the gay bars here in the city... Well being my first time I was a little concerned... so when I got there I got a drink and went and sat with K and these 2 guys he had met and I was kinda freaking out, due to the dude in ass-less jeans in a cage right beside my face, soooo... I downed that drink, got another 2 and then they saw I was still a little uncomfortable, so K gave me his drink... Now not have eaten all day it kinda hit me hard... so when a good song came on I decided to get up and dance,not only could I not stand straight I prolly looked like an idiot as well! After a few songs I needed to go sit down again, and when I got back one of the guys K had met was sitting on my side of the table... so I climbed in and started talking to him, Well I dont know if any of you have ever been to one, but every hot guy has their shirt off! So I leaned over to this guy and asked why he still had his on! Well apparently he didnt appreciate the fact that I had my hand on his inner thigh! and didnt talk to me from that point on! hahaahahahahahaha! Anywho! The other guy was even hotter anyways! So after K and I had danced for a while it was about 3am, so we were going to leave, well the dude who was no longer talking to me told him he didnt want him to leave, so as I am ready to go, he begins dry humping and macking out with this guy! So I decide Ill give them some time, I went back to the dance floor, and found this guy on the stage (between the cages) and he kinda backed up into me, it was a good time for sure.... and tonight Im Hitting up a different one with J! YAY!!! But Im not going to drink this time!
This song is the story of my love life! I still haven't heard from J since I snapped.... I don't know where this is coming from! But I cant get over it!
[Rihanna (Ne-Yo):] That’s how much I love you (yeah) That’s how much I need you (yeah, yeah, yeah) And I can’t stand ya Must everything you do make me wanna smile Can I not like you for awhile No..
[Ne-Yo:] but you won’t let me You upset me girl and then you kiss my lips All of a sudden I forget that I was upset Can’t remember what you did
[Ne-Yo:] But I hate it
[Rihanna:] You know exactly what to do So that I can’t stay mad at you For too long, that’s wrong
[Ne-Yo:] Girl, I hate it You know exactly how to touch So that I don’t wanna fuss and fight no more So I despise that I adore you
[Rihanna (Ne-Yo):] And I hate how much I love you boy (yeah) I can’t stand how much I need you (I need you) And I hate how much I love you boy (ooh) But I just can’t let you go And I hate that I love you so..
[Ne-Yo:] And you completely know the power that you have The only one that makes me laugh
[Rihanna:] Sad and it’s not fair how you take advantage of the fact that I Love you beyond the reason why And it just ain’t right
[Ne-Yo:] And I hate how much I love you girl I can’t stand how much I need you And I hate how much I love you girl But I just can’t let you go And I hate that I love you so
[Both:] One of these days maybe your magic won’t affect me And your kiss won’t make me weak But no one in this world knows me the way you know me So you’ll probably always have a spell on me..
[Rihanna:] That’s how much I love you How much I need you That’s how much I need you That’s how much I love you That’s how much I need you
[Rihanna (Ne-Yo):] And I hate that I love you sooo... And I hate how much I love you boy (Hey) I can’t stand how much I need you (I can’t stand how much I need you) And I hate how much I love you boy (yeah...ooh) But I just can’t let you go (But I just can’t let you go, no) And I hate that I love you so
Just in case everyone doesn't know I started my new Job on Monday! YAY for me! Ne who! We have gone from a training class of 9 down to 3! Well tonight when we were finished our training we sat around and were shooting shit, when the older guy of the group begins to talk about how he is going to miss his regular poker night because we are stuck in training! Well our instructor begins talking about the different types of poker he plays and this old guy begins to rant off many many more! One of them Including one he mentioned was when you played it Queers!? hmmm..... Now I have no Idea what this means, but I was a little annoyed at it, so I asked him to repeat what he had just said... Queer, Its how you play it its all messed up and that's how it gets its name! I was kind of taken back for a second seeing how maybe one or two hours previous we had talked about the Diversity at our work place... And I said umm, you shouldn't use that term... and he said why you have a problem with the Queers!? I kinda looked at him for a second and said ya, I am one! Well I have never seen someone have a reaction like that in my life, he sunk his head and went and sat back at his station! The instructor just kind of stood there and looked at me to see how pissed I really was, until I began to laugh at the thought of this old man being put in his place! HAHAHA!!!! Old people! I think I could put posts on here everyday involving one! Maybe they should have their own type of poker game!
Once again with the BF! As I stated in the previous posting, I have no idea what is going on or where we are in terms of a couple... So tonight (at work) I received a text From J saying that his ex (used to be my friend until I took his BF) Had sent him a nasty e-mail about how he was cheating on him with me (didn't happen to be clear) and bla bla bla... So, I figured ok my time to get in there and see what is going on, so I texted back well how do you feel on the whole issue, and there was no response, so after about an hour I sent a "?" with the response of what does "?" mean? So I repeated the question and still nothing... Then I kinda snapped, and sent him a text saying WTF is going on, You never talk to me anymore and if you want me to just leave you alone just say so and I will! Well he sent me a message back saying that he couldn't believe what I just said, because I was the one who said I would wait, and I'm just like everyone else, maybe he should just be alone.... so NOW to make this all even more confusing he isn't responding to anything else I have said......... Why is it all so Damn Confusing!?
"Hey L!"
"Hi, W"
"I got into a fight with J tonight"
"oh thats not good"
"Oh well,"
"are you guys going to be ok?"
"I don't Know!"
"God he is worse than a Woman"
"I know the tough part is though, Im just not sure if Its Love or the Fact I didn't get the Glory Bang!"
OK, so the boyfriend issue is still up in the air! I don't know what to think or what to do! He has told me that he needs some time to think things over and build on himself so that he has more to bring to our "relationship". The way I feel about this is mixed... I Love him SO much that I don't want to just blow it off and say OK, you have had some time I cant wait, But I cant wait forever! I keep getting mixed signals, he texts me every day! Saying good morning, and Every night before he goes to bed, but Its never anything to do with us... Its always just random things he is doing! I constantly ask him how he is feeling and where he sees this going and he says he doesn't want to rush it! It has been almost a month! I have not seen him, and things haven't changed?! Do I believe what the says that he just needs time? How much time do I give? or should I just get over it, stop being so damn oblivious and move on!?
Ok... So Thanksgiving being this weekend... Its a time for family and friends to come together.. Included in this would be my Boyfriend. Well Since I have moved to the city I have not seen him, our lives revolve around texting and phone conversations and of course MSN, so this was a big deal! I know he has been feeling off because I am now over 2 hours away from him and he has no way to come and see me, so Being the "romantic" I am I figured I would show him how much I love him/Care! So the other day I wrote down every time I thought about him and why... and today went to the florist, and had them attach a card to a one flower for every time! well... I think about him alot! So 46 or 47 flowers were purchased! The florist was going to make an exception and deliver them tomorrow because she was touched by what I was doing! Well..... about half an hour ago I get a text from the guy I love saying that he isn't going to come anymore, he is leaving town with his mom! I would understand completely if he didn't see her on a regular basis... but this isn't the case! And they fact that he lets me know the night before!? Obviously the feelings I have are NOT shared!!! But the thing is this is the first person I can say I have truly loved! I cant stop thinking of him, I Cry.. at the thought of not being with him or being able to see him... AND I'M NOT A CRIER!!! I don't know If I can just keep going like this.... and he knows that its going to be a while before I can come back down!
Well, I just moved to the Big City! E-town has a new addition to its wonderful community!
I call it a wonderful City/Community but is it really?! I know things are going to be different than in a small town, but does that mean all humanity has to lose its kindness for one another!? Being New, I don't exactly know my way around, and the other day I was on my way home when I realized I don't know where home is! I had managed to get myself lost in suburbia hell and had no idea where to go! So I did what anyone would do.... Look for a non scary looking person and ask for help! Well.... this sweet little old lady was walking her dog down the sidewalk so I politely asked her if she could please help me find out where I was and where I had to go, (not in those terms so I didn't come across as a crazy) Well, just as I got the first oh Id say 3 words out of my mouth the woman tells me I need to keep on walking! In a firm tone..... "KEEP ON WALKING" Like WTF?! Oh well... I guess Ill learn to be a cold hard B***h eventually!
Ok... So I have friends who all have blogs and I thought it was a stupid Idea at first..... Ill be the bigger person right now and admit I was wrong! Go ahead poke at the fact I caved into the general "Norm" WHATEVER! I am not sure how Much I will use this but I have started posting mesages in my Facebook, and people are telling me Notes aren't a blog! So Here I am!
I am your Regular small town guy... That now Lives in the Big City.. Like everyone else I live my life the way I want to, and there are ups and downs, and twists and turns... and Look! NOW I CAN SHARE THEM ALL WITH YOU!!!!!
